The strength to speak

I was sipping coffee in my college canteen waiting for a friend to arrive when I met Maya didi. She approached me after spotting me in the canteen but was hesitant to talk, as if unsure whether to speak or not. She slowly gathered some courage and asked me about Maiti Nepal. I immediately told her everything I knew about the organisation, and gave her the contact number. After a long silence and my constant prodding, she revealed that she needed help because she could no longer tolerate the way her husband treated her.

“My husband comes home drunk and beats me up regularly,” she said softly, almost whispering. “I think I need a divorce; I cannot stand it,” she heaved. The couple had started working at the college canteen three months earlier, and it had been just a few days since her husband, a regular face at the college, had gone missing. It was then Maya didi and the rest of the students got to know each other better. She probably approached me because of our growing familiarity, or because she knew that I worked for a newspaper and thought I might have information on organisations that could help her. Not all the silent sufferers of domestic violence have the courage to get help from others, but she did.

“I was heading out to shop for the canteen when I saw him right outside the college, where he was waiting for me. He began thrashing and punching me hard on my head and snatched the thousand rupee note from my hand,” she grieved. “If Indira didi had not opened  her door and pulled me inside, he might have even killed me.”

Later when I spoke to Indira didi, another employee of the college, she supported what Maya didi had said. “He used to come drunk and punch her hard on her head; he wouldn’t stop even when we pulled him back.” A few weeks ago, the college decided to dismiss the couple from their work, but they pitied Maya didi and offered her refuge. Since then, Maya didi’s husband has been threatening to not let her live or work peacefully.

Maya didi got married to Dhana Prasad Ghale in Gorkha seven years ago, at the tender age of 19. Soon after the marriage, her husband left her to look for a job in Saudi Arabia. It was then that his family began treating Maya didi badly. She couldn’t tolerate the harsh words hurled upon her, and so she left the family and returned to her home. About a year later, her brother-in-law, who was also out of the country, returned to Nepal and asked her to come back.

Her husband returned three years later and brought her to Kathmandu along with her elder sister. He neither let her work nor did he earn enough to feed them both. He flew back to Saudi Arabia after a few months and harangued her over the phone. “He used to call me regularly and scold me as he always suspected that I was seeing another person,” she shares. “Moreover, he didn’t allow me to work and sent me around Rs. 7000 every two months.” How Maya didi survived seven years in Kathmandu without a job is a mystery to me.

“If I had known that he would treat me this way, I would have searched for a job. I would at least have savings for myself,” she said regretfully. “We came to college to work at the canteen and now he blames me for being kicked out. He seeks revenge for his fate and yesterday, he even sent the police to arrest me. The college management, however, spoke in my favour and the police went away.”

Maya didi had appealed for a divorce when she went to Gorkha a few days back, but her husband wouldn’t concede. “Perhaps he is scared that he would have to give up a certain share of his property. He keeps asking me for the money he sent from Saudi Arabia. But I told him that I spent it on furnishing the room that he has taken over now.”

“Her husband calls her up and abuses her verbally. Because of him, my husband doesn’t allow me to meet Maya—I have to come here secretly,” says Sabita Gurung, Maya didi’s friend. Maya now feels that she needs shelter and has finally decided to knock on the doors of organisations that help women. “I want to free him so that he can be with the other woman whom he likes,” Maya didi said. “I don’t need his money; I just want to live life independently,” she added boldly. I had finally seen her speaking up strongly.

Like Maya didi, there are many women who suffer domestic violence silently and accept it as their fate. Many feel uncomfortable to speak up and hide their family matters, as it is uncommon to speak of them publicly. A lot of women are not even aware of organisations like Saathi and Maiti Nepal that help them.

Knowing her story, I think Maya didi has a lot more to conquer than the minor challenge of earning a living for herself. Her journey is now defined by her search for true freedom and the need to help other similar victims.