Nineteen-year-old Shanti* was travelling on a Nepal Yatayat bus when she felt a man come close to her. “I felt him touching me, and even when I moved away, he would still come closer,” she says. After it continued, Shanti asked him to stop. He didn’t move away. “Luckily, someone got up and I got a seat, but I couldn’t control my tears.”
This is just one example of the lewdness and disrespect women increasingly face in metropolitan Kathmandu. Men usually restrict themselves to ogles and crude whistles, and most times, women choose to ignore rather than retaliate, often feeling powerless at the lack of consequence in fighting back and the fear of being judged if they speak up. But ignoring the misdemeanour only encourages further instances; whether whistling, passing lewd remarks, groping or physical abuse.
But it’s difficult to retaliate. Most girls I spoke with simply ignore the abuse. Only one, Dilmaya, gathered up the courage to retaliate. She was frequently eve-teased by a group of men on her way home from school. After it continued for days, she could no longer tolerate it and shouted at them, “Aren’t you ashamed of yourselves? You are teasing a school girl, that too in a school uniform. Should I call my uncles to beat you up?” The men stopped bothering her after that.
Dilmaya’s response points towards two conclusive arguments. One, that eve-teasers are nothing but bullies, seeking to harass individuals they perceive to be weaker (in their case, women). Two, women should not tolerate any kind of abuse, and that retaliation, on any level, can force eve-teasers to back off.
Passing sexual comments and groping in public places is considered sexual harassment by law, the punishment for which is a fine of Rs. 10,000 and/or a one-year jail term. But shock, shame and fear lead most instances to go unreported.
Surprisingly, it is not younger men just discovering the female sex that are more inclined to eve-tease. Rather, grown men, usually married, are more commonly indulging in such behaviour as Binita found out. “In grade nine or ten, I was in a microbus. An old man sat beside me and placed his hand on my lap. I thought it was unintentional, but it shocked me when he didn’t remove it.” Neeti Aryal Khanal, Gender Studies lecturer at Tribhuvan University, agrees. “Older men are more involved in sexual harassment cases; in our context, men see women as sex objects and this belief strengthens after marriage.” Feminist writer Archana Thapa argues this may be the outward expression of repressed sexual desires.
This objectification-of-women argument is something many men agree with. Many said it was “entertaining” to pass comments about women, admitting they did it to look “cool” in front of their peers. Yet paradoxically, men find it unnerving when their own girlfriends or wives are teased or harassed. “I become furious when I hear about such incidents, especially when it happens to my girlfriend,” says Ajit, a college student. He agrees that if a girl would try to fight back, people would stand up for her. However, a woman should carefully observe her surroundings before retaliating. “If everyone around her seems to be part of the same group, then it is better to keep quiet and move away as soon as possible.”
But retaliation doesn’t always get women the support they need. Maya, a student, says, “Even if we raise our voice, people may not believe us. At the end, it is always the girl’s fault.” Advocate Bimala (Bindu) Khadka from Forum for Women, Law and Development (FWLD) blamed the “prevalent ideas about male domination and the attitude of men towards women” present in Nepal’s patriarchal society for aggravating the problem. Like Maya, she also believed that many women, not just young girls, hesitate to speak up in the fear of being ostracised.
However, Thapa emphasised the need to retaliate, even without public support. “At least it will be a kind of backlash to the offenders,” said Thapa. The method of retaliation may vary; some may choose to shout back whereas others may politely request the person to stop.
Although there may not be specific provisions against eve-teasing, the Police says that immediate action is taken when cases are reported. Superintendent of Police Yadav Raj Khanal agrees that few women report eve-teasing. “If someone misbehaves in a public area, a woman can simply raise her voice and get support,” Khanal says, “We have seen cases where the crowd has beaten up the abuser and handed him over to the police.” And according to Khanal, once an offender is taken into police custody, he seldom repeats the crime.
Yet, at the end of the day, society’s prejudices prevail. Fear of social ostracism keep women from reporting such crimes, and in turn, eve-teasers go unpunished and are further encouraged because they never face consequences for their misconduct. It seems that women must come up with their own solutions.
Someone like Sabina has a unique remedy: she rides her own scooter, and thus, doesn’t have to face such problems. But unfortunately, not every woman can afford this form of protection. In countries like India and Japan facing similar problems, women have resorted to travelling on ‘Women-Only’ buses and trains. But isolating women from men is not a permanent solution. “Until and unless women raise this issue, this step will only make them more vulnerable. They have to become physically and mentally strong,” says Advocate Khadka.
SP Khanal also emphasises the necessity of women’s physical fitness. “Although karate and kung-fu might not ensure that a woman is 100 percent safe, it may prove to be a good self-defence mechanism,” giving women time to fight back until help arrives.
At the Nepal Kwanmukan Karate Do Association, 25 women are currently learning karate. One student, Anju Bista, is confident that she can confront anybody (the fact that she has a brown belt certainly helps). At the same time, these skills are worthless without confidence. Seventeen-year-old Rashna Awal says she has been learning karate for two years but she still doesn’t have confidence in her abilities.
Eve-teasing is a social crime that affects the victim’s self-esteem and creates a fear among them, a deterrent to freedom and personal growth. In turn, molesters are emboldened by women’s lack of retaliation. Thus, the cycle of male domination continues. “Gender issues should be included in school curriculum so that not only girls, but also boys know about the adverse impacts of eve-teasing,” says lecturer Khanal.
(*Names of all the victims have been changed)
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